Middle School: Part 3

So it is the first day of middle school, congratulations! This is what every sixth grade parent wants to hear as their darling comes in the door, "thanks mom and dad, that school is great! It is everything that I dreamed it would be over those long months last year, when we were waiting to hear where I would be placed." This is what you undoubtedly will hear, "It smells funny." That is if they are being kind.

This is what parents need to remember for the next two weeks. Your darling has not been in a new school since they were 5 years old. They have been the kings and queens of their elementaries. They knew everyone. They knew exactly what to expect. They knew all the teachers and it smelled familiar. But now they have to change classes in a building that they are afraid to get lost in. Even the sweetest teacher is putting on her mean face to keep the upper hand on the first day of middle school. The kids, whether they are giant and menacing 8th graders or not, are strange. Even kids they have known all their lives are coming back from the summer with breasts and different voices. How weird is that? It can't possibly be a good day.

So here is what you need to do:
First give them a protein filled snack. They probably had lunch at 10:30. Let them zone out for a while at the mindless activity of their choice.

Don't ask them how they liked school. You won't get the answer you want.
Just ask about facts. What color was your math teacher's hair? Do you have to climb stairs? How many minutes in between class? What do you want for lunch tomorrow?
In a couple of weeks they will start to say things like, "I met a nice kid today." "The science teacher is pretty funny." and you will finally get your rewards for dragging them on a million tours the year before.

And children...
have pity on your poor parents. They only want what is best for you. When they look at you pleadingly, hungry for any detail and praying that they made the right choice, say, "Mom, Dad, I love you anyway."

Preparing for Middle School: 2

Are you worried that your sweet darling is going to turn on you without warning the minute puberty kicks in? I can't help you with that, but I may be able to warn you about a couple of things that may give you a slight edge in the situation.

Your 6th grader doesn't have to have instant computer communication with all of their friends. This communication does seem to be necessary when they are a bit older, but in 6th grade they need to figure out how to deal with their new life and time management. Too much unregulated access (and do you want to be the policeman?) is a giant sink hole of problems. If it is difficult for you to self regulate your time on Facebook (you know who you are), it is impossible for your child. You have the power to choose what comes into your home. I just advise that you make conscious choices at each step along the way. Consider whether it is wise to have a computer in their room. This is not necessarily a trust issue. How many times have you looked up from the computer and it was three hours later and you had no idea that time was passing (I am doing it right now!). The time will come when they will go to bed after you are long asleep, but right now they are the ones that really need the shut eye. They are so much nicer when they get it.

That brings up the fact that they look old, but in many ways they still have the same needs that they did when they were toddlers. Sleep, eat and read aloud should be your mantra. They grow when they sleep and they are growing inches every day. Studies show that US teenagers are chronically sleep deprived. I am mean when I am tired (really, don't cross me!) and they will be too. Why go there?

Feed them right away when they get home from school, something healthy with complex carbs or protein. They probably had lunch at 10:30. They are HUNGRY. Feed them before you ask about their day or they will bite your head off.

6th graders have a lot to deal with (more on that in the next "preparing..."). A funny thing happens to many of them. They occasionally take up a little baby language, they climb their giant 5' frames onto your lap, they form a sudden nostalgia for their "childhood". While they are desperately trying to be older, they are also uncomfortable with letting go of the familiar. This is why it is nice to stay friends with kids that are not going to your middle school. They have to be cool with their school friends, but they can be their old selves with their old friends. Don't get rid of all of the Legos or stuffed animals just yet.

They may not want to talk about their day when they get home. A parent can look pretty lame in the cold light of day, but at night, when they are cozy in bed and the lights are low, you look like their beloved moms and dads again. Everybody likes to be read aloud to. If you keep doing the bedtime reading (or start back up) you will be amazed at what happens. First the books just get better and better. But you may find that you don't spend much time on the books. You may end up just talking, and the longer you can keep that tradition going the better.

Happy reading!

Preparing for Middle School: 1

I always waited for the first day of school to get the teacher's list of supplies. Then I would go to Target or Staples and wait in an endless line for the last of the stray, wrinkled, stepped on notebooks that nobody else wanted. I wanted to go in mid summer when the pretty notebooks were out, but NYC starts school so much later than any other district that when I was on vacation in other states, the shelves were clear by mid July. I just went to Staples yesterday and got my gross of $.19 pocket folders and you can too, before they are all gone.

Here is a shopping strategy for the parents of rising 6th graders ready for their first year of Middle School. It is a tough call because your tween will want to wait to see what everyone else has. They may also want the giant binder with pockets and subject dividers for the first time. These will not go to waste even if their teachers don't require them. They will use them all sometime unless they become plastered with Jonas Brothers stickers which will render them "gross" and outdated in 6 months.

This is what you should get:

• the tried and true marble composition books one for each subject (and lots of extras)

• pocket folders for each subject

• spiral notebooks with perforations so that the pages can be torn out without the fringe

If you go shopping now you can find colorful (actually attractive) composition notebooks. Get them in different colors for each subject, red for ELA, blue for math, green for science etc. Then get the corresponding colored pocket folders and spiral notebooks for those subjects too. That way when the books are strewn all over the living room at 7am and your child only needs science and ELA that day, he can easily see what needs to go into the backpack. If they are all the same color or random designs imagine the horror (and notes home that he doesn't have his work in class).

• pads of graph paper for math (some have 4 sq. per in. on one side and 5 on the other so that you have all bases covered)

• lots of #2 pencils, a sharpener, and some mechanical lead pencils for math

• colored construction paper, glue sticks, markers of all kinds (you thought the projects would stop?!)

• extra poster board (white and in color) and a spare tri-fold card board display (thanks Felicity)

• lots of extra printer paper and many extra ink cartridges

Middle school is when the computer becomes a part of your child's body. I have a couple things to say about this. ALWAYS HAVE AN EXTRA INK CARTRIDGE IN THE HOUSE. Oh yes, you will use the last one and think, I will reorder that in a couple of weeks like I normally do, but a week later at midnight when the giant social studies project is due, suddenly there will be no ink, because your child spent the last week printing out multiple copies of different size pictures of civil war uniforms that they didn't use. Hear me now or suffer the consequences. Always have at least one extra cartridge and ream of paper in the house. Always.

Happy shopping!